


Ponies in Exchangeland

by ambiguously



Category: Triple Crown of Exchanges Banner by dusty, Undisclosed Fandom
Genre: Crack, Exchange Fandom, Gen, I REGRET NOTHING, Metafiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27750598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguously/pseuds/ambiguously
Summary: A horse walks into a 10k exchange. The mod says, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "Have you seen the deadline?"-or-A horse who prefers things slow and steady, a sparkle-obsessed unicorn, and a caffeine-addicted gremlin pony go on a quest for truth, justice, and coffee beans. (Mostly the coffee beans.)
Relationships: Five Figure Fanwork Exchange & Heart Attack Exchange & Fic in a Box (Triple Crown Anthropomorphic)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 17
Collections: Heart Attack Exchange 2020





	Ponies in Exchangeland

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ashling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashling/gifts).



"Fixy." She felt a bump against her withers. "FIXY!"

Fixy opened one bleary eye and instantly wished she hadn't. An orange gremlin of a pony crouched next to her, her face taking up the entire view. She closed her eye and was immediately bumped in the head. "FIXY! This is an EMERGENCY!"

Fixy raised her head with a sigh. "Hearty, I don't need to remind you that the last three times you woke me with an emergency, two of them involved you not being able to reach the liquor cabinet, and one of them turned out to be you scaring yourself in a mirror."

"I know! But this is a real emergency! THE COFFEE IS MISSING!" Hearty bounded between two spots back and forth like a ping-pong ball.

Still groggy, Fixy stared at Heart Attack, the smallest and most neurotic of their triad. Hearty was a pony by technicality, and a pain in the ass by specialty. She thrived on drama, excitement, and forty-six cups of coffee each day. Normally by the time Fixy woke up, Hearty was already vibrating and zooming across the meadow with shouts of "Six hours to Dead Line!" Fixy didn't even know what a 'Dead Line' was, but it didn't sound like anything a respectable horse like herself should panic over.

She tried her usual trick in these circumstances. Appealing to sanity never worked with Hearty, but at times, appealing to authority did. "Did you talk to Fiaby about it?"

The bounding paused. "Not yet."

"Fine, then. Go ask Fiaby. Maybe she moved it and didn't tell you."

"She didn't move it, Fixy! It's gone!" Hearty went from panicked to wailing. "Gone forever!"

Fixy sighed.

Things hadn't always been this way. Once, she'd lived in a normal stable with other horses, spending her days wandering the fields and grazing, taking her time to clip the grass perfectly with her teeth. Fixy had been raised to know that a good job took long hours and hard work. She prided herself on her ability to plan and execute a task in an orderly fashion.

Then Fic-In-A-Box had come into her life. Unicorns were famously fickle, as everyone knew, and her new friend lived up to that reputation.

"We could eat the grass," Fiaby had said that first sun-dappled morning, "and I do love eating grass. But have you considered painting a picture of the grass? Or writing a song about grass?" She shook her glorious mane and broke out into a sweet, high song: "Green as the emeralds of your eyes it is, that fragrant meal we love." Before that moment, Fixy had never considered singing about grass, or even singing at all. She still wasn't entirely sure what 'painting' was, but she was damn sure if Fiaby thought it was something interesting, Fixy would learn how to do it at her side.

"Tomorrow, we'll write imaginary feed receipts together!" Fiaby had said. "Won't that be fun?"

Of course Fixy had been entranced. Of course she'd agreed to follow Fiaby away from what now seemed like a boring old farm, to a stable of their own, where the grass was sweet and lush to taste, but where that grass could also be a sonnet, or a map of a fairytale castle.

Everything had been perfect. Just the two of them: staid, reliable Fixy and mercurial, wonderful Fiaby. Then Hearty had somehow joined their merry band and instead of two pleasantly happy equestrians, they were a happy unicorn, a deranged pony, and a concerned mare whose dreams of a quiet life among the fields kept getting interrupted by an orange terror with a caffeine addiction.

Fiaby could keep Hearty in check, but she didn't. "I love you for your enthusiasm," she always said, nuzzling Hearty's ear. "You can accomplish in an hour what the rest of us would take a year or more to achieve."

Yes, Fixy had always thought morosely. Because we do it correctly. But she never said the words. They would only make Hearty even more hyper, and worse, Fiaby would give her a sad look, as though Fixy simply didn't understand what it was like to be a creative genius like the two of them. That's what bothered her most. Fiaby came up with impressive, magical creations, and Hearty could clear a field in ten minutes, but Fixy was just a horse, plodding and steadfast, coming in behind them even if she started running first.

But for some reason, Fiaby smiled every time she saw Fixy, and even if she also gave that same smile to Hearty, Fiaby's affection and attention were worth it to Fixy to stay by her side.

"We'll go ask her together," she told Hearty now. "I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding."

Hearty pranced back and forth in front of her as she left her stall and cantered out into the bright morning. Fiaby loved to greet the morne in the east field. Hearty always welcomed the day with a couple of cups of dark roast. Fixy preferred to say hello to noon when possible. Mornings were for people with a more daylit schedule. The air was fresher at this time of the day, she had to admit. A sharp tang hung in the air, dew evaporating off the thistles, and everywhere around them, birdsong serenaded them with a cacophony unmatched in the hazy afternoon heats Fixy preferred.

Birdsong often surrounded Fiaby. So did flowers of every variety, only some of which were tasty to eat. Bunnies and squirrels played around Fiaby's feet. And some days, Fixy couldn't get within ten yards of her from all the virgins lining up around her. Unicorns went nowhere without an entourage.

They were light on virgins today. Hearty stepped on two bunnies as they made their way, but this only served to irritate the bunnies rather than hurt them.

"FIABY!" shouted Hearty. "THE COFFEE'S MISSING!"

Fiaby turned her beautiful head towards them. A bluebird, an actual bluebird, settled on her mane. Fixy had never seen a bluebird before Fiaby came along, although once a blue jay had screamed at her and chased her away when she'd grazed too close to a nest.

"What do you mean it's missing?"

Hearty bounced more, scattering the forest creatures that congregated around Fiaby's feet. Good riddance, Fixy thought to herself. Those squirrels could be vicious.

"I went to make my morning pots of coffee, and the boxes were empty! All the beans were gone!"

"I see." She glanced at Fixy, who only whickered in annoyance. She turned back to Hearty. "Are you sure you didn't run out? I noticed you had fifty cups of coffee yesterday."

"I didn't run out! I had at least twenty pounds of beans left when I went to sleep."

"You slept after that?" Fiaby asked her, amazement on her face.

"For a whole hour! And then when I woke up, the coffee was gone!" Huge tears splashed out of Hearty's eyes. "I don't know where it went!"

"Maybe mice ate them," Fixy suggested, but this only earned her a tense stare from Hearty and a kind but condescending smile from Fiaby.

In her melodious sing-song voice, Fiaby said, "Given the LD50 of caffeine and the average weight of a mouse, there would have been a foot-high pile of dead bodies around the crate. I assume there was no such pile?"

Hearty shook her head.

"What's an LD50?" asked Fixy, mesmerized as always by Fiaby's wide range of knowledge and interests.

"In short, it's the magical number that means our orange friend here should have been long dead." She said this with affection, nuzzling Hearty. "That was my second clue that Hearty is likely a magical creature like myself."

Fixy didn't want to think about Hearty as a magical creature. She herself was nothing but a plain mare. "Fine. No dead mice. You don't know where the coffee went?"

"I don't. But that much coffee doesn't just vanish, and it wasn't eaten. Someone must have taken it."

"THEY STOLE MY COFFEE??!!"

"Perhaps." Fiaby shook her mane again. The bluebird flew away. "We should go search for it. Perhaps we can locate where the coffee has gone if we work together."

"Great!" Hearty's eyes blazed. "Who do you think took it? That goat in the field next door has always looked mighty suspicious to me!"

"Frank? He's harmless. A dear old boy lost in memory of better days. We can ask him if he saw anyone. It will be the first stop on our quest."

Quest? Fixy didn't like the sound of that. She glanced around her beloved fields. Someone should stay and nip the thistles, and tend the grass into its orderly rows. She was a reliable horse, not a magical steed built for impressive journeys. Fiaby was practically born for questing, with her fiery mane and her eyes like sapphires, and her horn that created wonderful works out of pure thought. Even Hearty seemed better suited for questing than Fixy was. What the little pony lacked in size, grace, dignity, agility, common sense, manners, and the ability to hold a decent conversation without breaking off to scream "WHEE!!" at the top of her lungs, she made up for with a speed that defied all logic. If anyone could put a garter around the world in an hour, Hearty would meet them at the finish line whining they took too long to tie the bow.

Fixy said, "I'll go with you over to Frank's field, but I'm not coming along on any quest. Sorry."

Fiaby nodded. "As you wish, my friend." She led them across the east field towards the run-down old farm where Frank the goat still lived after all these years. He was grazing in a soft doze under the old apple tree, his slit goat eyes half-closed in a dreamy contemplation of better times.

Fiaby let out a melodious sound that had the same relationship with a 'neigh' that an orchestra did with a tin penny whistle. Frank didn't move so much as an ear. Hearty bounded ahead and right up to him. "Hey Frank!"

Frank came more awake, muttering in an annoyed goat bleat. "And what do you lovely ladies want?"

Fixy bristled at the 'ladies' but Fiaby only graced Frank with one of her terrific smiles. "Our friend Heart Attack's coffee beans have gone missing. We came to ask you if you happened to see anyone wandering around the fields with them."

"Coffee? Coffee! Pah." Frank spit, and when a goat spit, it stayed spat. Fixy stepped away from him. "In my day, back in ought five, we never wanted for these fancy coffees you youngsters gulp these days. We drank the swill from 7-11 and we were grateful when they had a decaf pot." He grumbled. "Those were better days in the old fields. The slash rivers flowed with milk and honey. And lube. Can't use milk or honey for lube."

Frank was like this most of the time. His heyday had been almost two decades ago, and he never let the neighbors forget it. But he meant well, Fiaby always said. It wasn't his fault that the world moved on and left him behind, and even if his memories weren't as robust as they once were, he still held a great deal of knowledge of the old, wild days the rest of them barely recalled. He was worth chatting up from time to time, Fiaby grazing beside him, Hearty enjoying a convenient fence to sit on as they spoke.

Fiaby nudged him. "Did you see the coffee this morning?"

"I didn't see any coffee this morning, young miss. But I did see a stallion running across your fields with a pack on his back."

"I TOLD YOU THEY WERE STOLEN!"

Fixy shushed Hearty, while Fiaby asked, "You're sure it was a stallion and not a mare?"

Frank's strange eyes glittered. "Positive."

"Did you notice which way he went?"

He gestured past the west field. "I seem to recall he went off that way. Don't know where he was heading, but he was in a mighty hurry to get there."

"Do you remember anything else? The color of his coat perhaps?"

"Red," said Frank. "Red as hell."

"That should be easy to find," Fixy said. "Not many red stallions in these parts."

"If you say so," said Frank, and he returned his attention to the stunted grass under the apple tree. Around him were wide fields with luscious grass by the mouthful, but he rarely moved away from the verdant shadows under this tree. Fixy hoped she was never like that, never stuck in a past only she remembered, lost in golden dreams.

She looked at Fiaby. "Let's go." Fiaby gave her an amused look, but didn't point out her change of heart as she cantered towards the west field. Hearty galloped on her squat legs, her little orange face scrunched in an expression of 90% determination and 10% caffeine-withdrawal headache. Fixy added, "But let's hit Starbucks before we go."

One oat latte, one rainbow sparkle frappe, and four triple-shot espressos later – all served by a buff blonde human woman and a smarmy middle-aged human man – they were back on their way. Hearty's coffee ingestion appeared to have miraculously calmed her down somewhat. Instead of bouncing like an equestrian ball, now she merely hummed with the constant nervous energy Fixy associated with her. If returning her coffee beans to her made her a more bearable companion, Fixy was ready to do what she could.

The trio made their way west. Fixy hadn't been out this way before. Her old paddock was to the east. She still saw horses she'd known back in the old days across the fence, or even wandering in Frank's fields once in a while. They'd changed over the years, changing their names, their mane and tail colors, and more, but they were the same horses she'd known since she was a young filly. Out west, things were different. 

They crossed a hill, and came across a field full of horses at play. Most wore conical hats and others had paper horns they blew as they pranced around a giant cake.

"THERE'S CAAAAAKE!" shouted Hearty, and she dashed away from her friends towards the towering confection in the middle of the field.

"I don't think that's for us," Fixy said. She dreaded what Hearty would be like after a helpful of sugary cake heaped with frosting.

"Perhaps not," Fiaby said with a sigh. "I think I see sprinkles."

A dappled gray mare dashed up to them. "Hello hello!" For a moment, Fixy thought she'd met Hearty's taller twin. "Welcome to our Birthday Bash!

"Happy birthday!" Fiaby said, her eyes following Hearty's approach to the cake.

"Oh it's not my birthday. It's the birthday of this whole field!"

Fixy said, "You mean an anniversary!"

"Yay birthday!" said the new horse. "Stick around, enjoy some cake."

"Thank you," said Fiaby. "We have a question. A red stallion passed through our fields early this morning, and we believe he may have stolen our coffee beans. Have you seen a red horse passing by?"

The mare looked thoughtful. "I don't, but I can ask my friends. Come on!" She led the way to the other party-goers. Hearty had been handed a large slab of cake, and was already devouring it, flinging frosting everywhere. 

The mare introduced Fixy and Fiaby to her own friends, asking about the red stallion. Two of the early risers said they'd seen him passing across the fields. "He did have a pack on his back," said the first, and the second nodded in agreement.

That wasn't evidence, and Fixy could see Fiaby knew that, too. Frank and these horses had seen a red stallion, sure, and the stallion was carrying something, but they had only the flimsiest reason to believe the pack held Hearty's coffee beans. Nevertheless it was their only lead, and Fiaby thanked them for their help while Fixy went to pry Hearty away from the cake.

"I WANT ANOTHER PIECE!"

Fixy tried psychology. "We only have time for one thing. You can have another piece of cake, or we can search for the coffee beans. Which choice would you prefer?" She felt proud of herself for coming up with this. Hearty had a famously short attention span, which matched her famously quick pace. She would certainly pick the cake over the beans, and they could go home.

The decision weighed heavily on poor Heart Attack. She glanced at the cake, and at the horizon. Cake. Horizon. Cake.

She looked at the pony who was cutting pieces for everyone. "Can I get a doggy bag to go as a treat?"

"Of course," said the pony, while Fixy sighed.

They headed away in the direction the red stallion had last been seen, again to the west. Fiaby and Fixy cantered side by side. Hearty followed, chewing her extra piece of cake with loud, happy smacks of her lips. "You guys should have gotten some cake! This is great!"

"I'm not really a cake fan," Fixy said. As they walked, a new smell wafted in on the wind, not as sweet as the cake but rich, delectable and enticing. "What is that?"

Fiaby trotted ahead and crested the hill. "Interesting." The other two joined her. Many animals played in this field: horses, cows, chickens, even dogs and cats. In the center of the field was a large box. The scent was coming from there, and Fixy's mouth watered.

"I should go investigate," she said, hurrying down the gentle slope towards the box. Other animals called out greetings, and she nodded to them, her eyes locked on the strange sight. "What's that?"

A goat, much younger than Frank, said, "That's our chocolate box."

Fixy's feet followed her nose right up to the box. A Palomino stood by the box passing out sweets. "Would you like one, dear?"

"I…. Yes. Please."

The Palomino dug and and pulled out a tiny morsel of chocolate, which dissolved on Fixy's tongue like the best dream she'd ever had. "Thank you." She stood there, but no more chocolates were offered.

The Palomino read her face. "Everyone gets a tiny piece of chocolate, dear. It's delicious, but small."

"I understand." Fixy wandered back to her friends. "They have very small pieces of chocolate. It's quite good."

"Any chocolate-covered coffee beans?" Hearty asked hopefully.

"Not that I saw. And no sprinkles, either."

Fiaby sighed. "Then I suppose it is good for some, and we should be happy for them. The cat says she saw the red stallion this morning. We are still on his trail. We should move on."

Fixy gave another longing look at the chocolate box, but there was no offer of any additional treats, which felt unfair given how much cake Hearty had consumed. But this wasn't about cake, or candy. This was about getting those beans back. "Let's go."

They passed through more fields, seeing wondrous new sights each time they moved into a new territory. This field had ponies resculpting the very shape and form of the farm, building new worlds out of bricks of sod, attaching wings to random creatures, and branding pairs of others with matching signs and sigils with a painless touch that nevertheless linked them for life.

"Are you sure you don't want a soul mark?" asked a little raven.

"I'd like a tattoo," said Hearty, but Fiaby and Fixy pulled her away with polite thanks.

Over the horizon, the next field glittered with stars, and Fiaby let out a cry of happiness. She galloped into the sparkling patterns, laughing as her feet came free of the ground and sent her weightless into the sky surrounded by glittering lights. "This is wonderful!" she shouted down at them. "I'm dancing inside of sparkles!" She looked happier than Fixy could ever remember seeing her.

"We should stay for a while," Fixy told Hearty. "Look how much fun Fiaby is having."

"He's getting away," Hearty said. "We can come back to the spacy place later."

Fiaby descended from the sky and set her feet back onto the firm Earth. "We can indeed," she said with a sad note in her voice. "I hope we do."

The next hill nearly made them turn around and go back into space. The field beyond was full of…frolicking. Yes. That was a good word, Fixy thought. Many, many horses and cows and sheep (dear god, the sheep) frolicked together in the field, with an impressive display of enthusiasm and creativity.

Hearty twisted her neck so she was almost upside-down. "I didn't even know two stallions could do that. Wait, now it's three of them. That's cool, the way they stack. Hi, pal! Have you seen my coffee beans?"

Fiaby twitched her foot against Hearty. "Don't be rude. They are obviously very busy right now." Her blue eyes focused on two mares frolicking passionately. "All of them are very busy."

Fixy tried looking away, but each place she looked, there were more animals enjoying themselves in wild abandon. "This is what Frank meant about the milk and honey, I think."

"Yes," said Fiaby, still staring at the two mares. Hearty had meanwhile wandered over to a cow and a bull.

Hearty asked, "Sorry to bother you, but have you seen a red stallion today?"

"Hurry on," said Fixy. "We want to find him, don't we?"

"Yes," Fiaby said, finally turning away from her intent observation of the mares.

The following field was the direct opposite. Scandalized by their neighbors, or perhaps having wandered over this way when they were tired, the animals here ambled side by side, or wandered alone such as the unruly goose who waddled through the field honking at them. 

"We're just friends!" said a pair of ducks, although no one had asked.

"We're also just friends!" announced a goat and a sheep. "Would you like to be our friends?"

"Thank you," said Fiaby. "We're seeking a red stallion. We believe he may have stolen our friend's coffee beans."

A llama asked, "Does he have a friend?

"He's made one enemy," said Hearty.

They passed through, heading ever West, when they met a lone stallion in a field ripe with wheat. His coat was as golden as the kernels surrounding him. "Hello," he said pleasantly. "What brings you three gentlefolk to my field?"

Hearty said, "A red stallion stole my coffee beans. Have you seen him?"

"We think he may have stolen them," Fiaby corrected. "Our friend Heart Attack woke to find her beans gone. We believe the red stallion might have taken them, or might know who did."

He let out a long breath. "I haven't see any red stallions pass through here, but I'm focused on my own work and I don't always notice what others are doing with their own time."

Fixy nodded. "I know how that goes." The new stallion seemed pleasant enough. "I'm Five Figure Fandom Exchange, but people call me Fixy. This is Hearty, and Fiaby."

"I'm called Fiver. Nice to meet you."

"Have you seen the stallion who stole my beans?"

"I'm afraid not, my undercaffeinated friend. If he passed through my fields, I didn't see." He whickered to himself thoughtfully. "Have you asked the Mods?"

"Did they steal my beans?" Hearty made a face.

Fiaby asked, "Who are the Mods?"

"Oh, they run everything. All these fields around here, that's their doing. They set everything up and make sure it all works. Lovely people."

"I've never heard of them," said Fixy.

"Well, that's the point, isn't it? As long as things work out well, no one cares who's making sure the grass grows and the sun rises. It's only when the whole works go bollocks up that anyone starts asking whose fault that is."

It sounded like a conspiracy theory to Fixy, but Fiaby looked thoughtful. "These Mods run everything? Who are they?"

"No one knows for sure. I've heard the stories. They say one's no more than a shadow, and another is some sort of satanic chicken. They even say all Mods are one Mod, an all-seeing Antipodean. It's weird to say so out loud, but I'm just telling you what I've heard. Everyone around here has said it all before."

"Can we meet them?" asked Hearty. "Maybe they know who took my beans."

"I don't know exactly where they live," said Fiver. "But I know the way." He headed south, away from their path. "Are you coming?"

Fiaby fell into step beside him, with Hearty bouncing along at her feet. Fixy sighed and brought up the rear.

"I've always wanted to meet the Mods," Fiver said. "I'm worried, though. They say if you annoy the Mods, they could ban you."

"What's that?" Fixy asked.

"I'm not sure. I think it means to send you away."

Away from her friends? Fixy didn't like the sound of what. "Maybe we shouldn't bother them." She glanced at Hearty. "Or Fiaby should go ask. She's nice. Everyone likes her."

"Nonsense," said Fiaby. "We go together." She glanced around, seeing the shimmer of stars. "Oh, this looks familiar."

Not nearly as many stars glittered in the next field, but there were many. The far more unusual thing was the nature of the animals milling about. "What are they wearing?" Hearty asked. "Looks like tin foil."

"They're not wearing anything," Fiver said. "They're made of metal. Best not to linger." He hurried on, and the others followed, away from the metal creatures. They passed through another field where it looked like the poor animals who lived there were being hurt, but as soon as Fiaby let out a cry to alert them, other animals rushed to their side and offered gentle comfort. Fiver assured them this was perfectly normal. They paused for a rest in a field filled with miniature horses, none bigger than Hearty. Fiver nuzzled them good-naturedly and introduced his three new friends to the Drabble Gang.

Fixy missed her home fields. All the horses and others she was meeting along this journey seemed very strange. Nice, but strange. They all appeared to be happy doing things as they did, even the ones being hurt and comforted, but she longed for her familiar grasses, and her stall. Standing high above the tiny Drabbles, she feared where to put her feet, lest she accidentally crush one unawares.

They moved into a field that looked familiar. Fiaby nickered in delight as the horses, unicorns, and other animals wrote loving plays about the grass around them, or sang songs about oats. "It's like being home," she said, and joined in on a logic game. Fixy looked around, not comfortable here. She understood the straightforward part of eating grass. She was less sure about imaginary report cards, or creating crude stick figure drawings about it like the cave horses did long ago. Too unconventional for her tastes.

Hearty seemed to enjoy herself. She'd cornered a small firebird, who was creating a grass-flavored coffee blend. "I like it here," she said, loudly slurping her serving of "Bluegrass Arabica" while a possum sang its possong: a ballad of the doomed love between two robots.

Fixy asked Fiver, "How much further to the Mods?"

"Quite a long way. In the next field, everyone's wearing dresses. After that, there's the weddings, and then we get to The Rares."

"The Mods live past The Rares?"

"I think so. I've never gone past The Rares." Fixy listened to his descriptions with growing dismay even as Fiaby performed an interpretive dance about the seasons. This journey had already taken hours, and it seemed they had such a long way to go.

She turned to Hearty. "We could just buy you more coffee beans."

"We could," Hearty said. "But it's the principle of the thing! Who is this red stallion to come to our stable and take our stuff? What's stopping him from doing it again? No!" she said, dropping the coffee cup to the ground and stomping on it with one tiny hoof. "We must find the red stallion and bring him to justice!"

The firebird grabbed the cup from the ground, gave Hearty a dirty look, and flew away.

"Fiaby, are you coming?" Fixy asked.

Fiaby dropped the paintbrush she was holding in her mouth, having just finished an Impressionist interpretation of the act of eating, with extra glitter. "Yes. And I have so many ideas for later!"

They wandered on, as the afternoon lengthened and their shadows grew to the east. They passed the fields where the ponies all wore black dresses, and they passed the fields with wedding bells. The lands grew stranger as they traveled. Fixy didn't like it. She longed for the warm comfort of her home, far away from the koalas telling her they had to marry because the aliens told them to.

They came to The Rares.

Fiver said, "This is where I leave you. There's a ship out past these fields, engaged in a constant battle, but I've heard if you brave your way aboard, it will take you to The Mods."

"Thank you," Fiaby said. "We appreciate your help getting us here."

"It's been a pleasure. I don't mind long travels, but yours is too long even for me. Good luck, and if you find The Mods, tell them I said hello and thanks for the extension!" He galloped away back towards his home.

"What's an extension?" asked Hearty.

"I have no idea," said Fixy.

Fiaby said, "I don't think I could explain it to either of you. Come." They made their way down into the fields of The Rares. If the other sights along their way had been weird, these were more sad and lonely. Pairs of creatures wandered together, but they were combinations Fixy hadn't observed elsewhere: a snake with a kangaroo, an emu with a squid, and occasionally even a pair of the same kind of animal but animals she'd never seen before, such as great black and white bears trundling over the meadows together.

"I've never seen anything like this," she said, watching a penguin and a camel rubbing beak-to-nose.

Fiaby said, "And I doubt we ever will again." They spent a few moments enjoyed the wonderfully unique pairs passing by, then made their way across to the final hill. Before them lay a massive dock, and a battleship loading cargo and crew even as they watched.

"The Mods are on the other side?" Hearty squeaked, eyeing a cargo container labeled 'Coffee.'

Fiaby said, "So Fiver seemed to think." She glanced down at Hearty. "This is for you, dear friend. If you wish, we can keep searching for the red stallion. Or we can return home."

"No," said Hearty. "I am sailing this ship straight to the Mods, and I am going to find my coffee beans." She turned on her tiny legs. "You don't have to join me, but a pony's gotta do what a pony's gotta do."

"Of course we will stay at your side," said Fiaby. Fixy couldn't get the same words out. She wanted to go home. But she nodded in agreement.

The trio found their way aboard the mighty battleship and made themselves comfortable in the cargo hold. Hearty located the cargo container of coffee and hopped up on top. Fixy and Fiaby stood to either side of her, taking a brief rest. Fiaby flicked her tail, and Hearty nibbled at the long, luxurious hair with a contented "Mm." After such a long day, Fixy was relived to pause here in the ship's hold, daydreaming about that sweet chocolate treat she'd eaten earlier. The day hadn't been all bad.

She nodded off into a dreamy half-nap, and woke to the sounds of digging. She opened her eyes and saw Hearty's bottom sticking out of the crate marked 'Coffee.'

"Hearty! What are you doing?"

Hearty's head appeared. She was chewing. "Nothing," she said, muffled. She swallowed loudly.

Fiaby came awake from her own nap. "Hearty, you can't steal these nice people's coffee beans. You'd be no better than the red stallion."

"I'm only eating a few! I need the energy!"

The ship was jarred with a sudden slam.. The crate tipped over, spilling Hearty and a lot of beans to the deck. Animals ran to and fro, past the trio, ignoring the spilled beans and Hearty's attempt to clean them up with her teeth.

"Hoist the canon!" one shouted, and another shouted: "Defend the OTP!"

So much for rest. The three of them hurried above deck to see what was causing the ruckus. More animals dashed past them shouting conflicting orders. The OTP was in danger. No, use the canon. No, the canon should be tossed overboard. Save the ship! Like the rest of this odd day, things about the battleship were bizarre. Fixy leaned over to stare into the water, and saw a multi-tentacled beast flailing at them. It appeared to be wearing socks.

The battle eventually ended. Fixy had no idea what became of the canon, or what an OTP was, but everyone aboard the ship appeared to think they'd come out all right. "Who won?" Hearty asked a passing impala.

"The important part is that we didn't lose," said the impala. "No one is really happy and that's for the best."

Hearty stared at the impala. "Shouldn't someone have won?"

Fiaby said, "Perhaps that wasn't the point of the battle?" She sounded as confused as Fixy felt. She looked out over the water. "I see an island. I suspect that's our destination."

A parrot flew over and grasped the rigging. "Beefy Island!"

Ah, thought Fixy. The Mods must be cows. That made sense. Cows had a great deal of patience and perseverance. Anyone whose job it was to run everything would need plenty of both.

The ship neared the island, which turned out to not be an island at all, but the end of a long peninsula stretching away back to the mainland. They could have walked, given enough time. They disembarked now, giving one last look at the ship that had brought them. Fixy wasn't sure how they would get home other than taking that long walk back. The island, or peninsula, which it was, boasted lovely beaches and a thick forest that loomed dark and mysterious before them. Fixy preferred wide open fields any day, and hung back as Hearty hurried towards the sullen trees.

"I'll keep a lookout from here."

Fiaby said, "If you choose. I for one would like to meet these Mods. If they know everything, perhaps they can answer some questions I've had for some time. Isn't there anything you'd like to know?"

The things Fixy wanted to know couldn't be answered. Most involved thoughts that zoomed around in her brain at night, longing for things without words. But one of those things was making her way into the forest behind Hearty. With a deep sigh, Fixy followed.

The home of the Mods sat in the center of the dark forest, surrounded by the discordant noises of the forest animals around them. Forest bears, forest elephants, even forest walruses cavorted in the undergrowth as the trio approached the massive edifice. Fixy walked very close to her friends, thinking there was no place like home.

They reached the foreboding door. Fixy didn't see a knocker, but Hearty jumped up and pressed a button. An ominous bell tolled with a deep, bowel-quaking note. The door creaked open before them.

Fiaby, who was rarely put out, said in a hesitant voice, "If we ever decide to get a doorbell, I suggest we go with something lighter."

"Like the Dracula soundtrack," Hearty said, pushing inside. "HELLO! ARE YOU HOME!"

Fixy and Fiaby shushed her, but her words echoed through the spooky halls. The door slammed shut behind them. Together, they tip-hoofed their way down the hallway to another door, which opened just as creepily as the front door had.

"Enter," said a voice, sounding like a mixture of a dozen or more voices speaking in unison.

With little other choice, the three of them stepped into the inner sanctum. Fixy saw shadows darting around them. In front of them, she saw glowing blue lights that morphed and changed shapes in front of her eyes. Her mind played tricks on her like when she stared at clouds, and made sense of the vague images, and the same process happened now. A Satanic chicken? Creatures even more mysterious? She could believe it all. She noted how they sparkled, and noticed too the gleam in Fiaby's eyes as she watched them.

"Greetings. We are the Mods."

"Hi!" said Hearty. "Fiver says thanks for the extension!"

A sound shuddered through the figures, as of an amused half-snicker, less than a snick. "Fandom 5K is well known to us. He always does as he can." The voices changed ever so slightly, as if someone different were speaking ahead of the others. "You three are new, but you are welcome here. You may ask us anything, but be aware that we may offer decoy answers. This is our way."

"We thank you, oh Mods," said Fiaby formally.

"HAVE YOU SEEN MY COFFEE BEANS?" 

The Mods undulated in a wind Fixy couldn't feel. "We have not, small gremlin pony."

Hearty slumped, downcast. "I don't think I'll ever find them again. A red stallion came through our fields and we think we took them, but we don't know who he is or where he went."

Again the Mods flickered and moved, as though deep in thought. "A red stallion dashing through your fields?" Hearty nodded. "We know this horse well."

"You do?" She perked up with hope. "Who is he? Why did he take my beans?"

"He is known as Flash. Like you, impatient one, he relies on massive amounts of stimulants to perform his duties. He works in all corners of A Kingdom Of Our Own, rarely pausing before he is off running again. He may have stolen your coffee, and if so, it is already long gone."

Hearty burst into tears. Giant, soggy splashes hit the cool stones below their hooves as Fiaby comforted her.

Their quest was finished. Fixy should be happy about this, and the chance to get back home. Instead, an unfamiliar sorrow filled her, watching Hearty's woe. She stepped forward, bowing her head in respect before staring up at the floating blue thingies. "All-powerful Mods, we thank you for all you have done. I have a question. Is there some way for us to obtain coffee beans for our friend Heart Attack that cannot be stolen by this Flash? We could purchase more, but it does us no good if he steals them again."

The Mods pulsed in thought. 

"We may have an answer. In the Far North, you will find the First, in the land of the small onions. In the cold reaches there, they have bred a coffee tree which can withstand all climates. Go to them, and make an offering, and they may let you have one for your own. You need never worry about being out of coffee again."

"What kind of offering?"

"They will tell you their desire, but the most common request is to go to bat for them with a pinch hit."

Hearty said, "I'll hit whatever pinches they want!"

Amusement filled the Mods. "We are sure you will. Your path will take you through many dangers and past many Dead Lines. Beta-flies will guide you, if you allow them to. Flash may harry you, stealing your time. And you must be sure to avoid the dreadful Dee En Double-Yous at all costs."

Fiaby said, "What are those?"

"You will find out, and if you do not list them, the discovery will be to your sorrow." The Mods pulsed. "Good luck on your journey."

Hearty said, "Thank you! By the way, you don't look Antipodean at all!"

Fiaby nuzzled her to silence. "Our apologies, Mods. Out friend doesn't always know what she's talking about." In a hiss, she said, "Hearty, you don't even know where Antipodia is!"

Fixy blinked, and found herself outside again with Fiaby and Hearty.

The word 'strange' had lost all meaning since the beginning of their adventure. She would need new words to describe this journey when it was said and done. "What just happened?"

"I CAN GET MORE COFFEE!"

The coffee was in the Far North, and they had come a long way south to get here. Fixy couldn't see through the forest, but she recalled the slope of the land. "Let's stay near the shoreline. Perhaps we'll get lucky and find a new ship we all like."

"You're still with us?" Fiaby asked her. 

"Until the end."

"LET'S GO!"

Hearty led the way. Fixy found it difficult to keep up with her. Hearty had always been the fastest of their trio of course, but now she was determined and she moved even faster. Fiaby practically danced in the air. Fixy meanwhile was getting out of breath. Slow and steady, she said to herself. Slow and steady is always the way. But her friends were outpacing her, and she had no wish to be left behind with the forest walruses and their blobby knives. She sped up, and worried about missing something vital.

The forest of the Mods had been surrounded by beaches, but as they reached the edge of the peninsula that stretched along down the coast, the ground became soggy, swamp-ridden, and difficult to walk through. They forded streams, even a small river that Fiaby seemed familiar. They splashed through murky waters infested with clichés. Poor Hearty barely kept her head above water through the deeper bogs, and several times they had to run back and start over through the difficult parts. Tiny Beta-flies came to their aid several times, showing them safer paths through the mud and smoothing their planned steps.

Fixy kept a lookout for any Dee En Double-yous. She wasn't sure what those looked like, but they sounded terrifying, like some eldritch horror from another universe. They wandered all through the dark night, pressing onward rather than resting here in the noisome marshlands. In the night, from far away and close by, Fixy heard hooves passing by in a rattatat beat. Flash was out there, passing them by over and over, out of their sight but pressing on their minds.

Hearty said, "I wonder if he drank all that coffee already."

"We'll get you more," Fiaby promised. "Coffee of your very own. We'll all have some."

At last, the swamp gave way to more solid land. Beyond the coastline, the peninsula widened out. Fixy could see fields. "Let's go that way. My poor hooves could use some sturdy land under them." She glanced down at Hearty, who was barely trodding along now. "And I could use a nap." Night was closing, and they were exhausted.

"We all could," Fiaby agreed, before Hearty could object. They found a cool meadow with high grass, and nestled down, pressed side-by-side for warmth.

Fixy dozed, not quite asleep, not fully awake, aware of the noisy birds greeting the rising sun, Hearty's fitful snores, and Fiaby's comforting presence. In her dreams, marvelous creatures gamboled in pools of pure darkness and bitter light. Princesses rescued dragons, and stones took to their feet and marched along on quests for magic beans. A Mod glowed before her, huge and bulbous blue, and said: "You will be among our number, Five Figure Fanworks Exchange. You will rise to Modhood, but only if you help me find my car keys." Inside the dream, these words made sense, and Fixy climbed mountains and swam oceans, looking for car keys as multi-fanged Dee En Double-yous chased her.

She woke with a start, and noticed she was alone. Fiaby had gone into the field and grazed happily with a full retinue of forest animals at her feet. Hearty was chasing Beta-flies, to no avail. Fixy got to her feet and stretched, then found a patch of clover where she could graze. The morning was turning out much nicer than the night had been.

She heard hoofbeats. "That's got to be Flash."

Hearty's attention turned away from the Beta-flies. "I BET HE HAS COFFEE!" Like a shot, she was off, dashing through the meadow at top speed, chasing the far-off sounds.

Fiaby tossed her mane. "You had to tell her that?" She hurried off too, leaving Fixy blinking in the sunshine until she realized they were leaving her behind. She raced to catch up, huffing and sore. She hadn't warmed up for this run. Hearty might be the fastest pony in the world, or the second-fastest if Flash got away again. Fiaby was part magic. Fixy was a normal horse, and she didn't mind the occasional sprint but running pell mell over the fields wasn't her idea of fun.

Their chase came to an abrupt halt after two miles. Fixy panted and sagged on her knees as she reached her friends, who stood at the top of a small hill. "Did you," she breathed heavily, "find him?" Even as she crested the hill with them, she saw why they'd stopped.

The fields below were filled with red horses. Flashes everywhere, and none of them carrying a sack of illicit coffee beans. Hearty slumped into a despaired puddle.

"Maybe they know him?" Fixy suggested.

Fiaby said, "Maybe we should do as the Mods suggested, pinch the hit, and return home with a coffee tree of our own."

Hearty agreed, shooting sad glances at the Flashes. "I'm as fast as they are. Faster, I bet."

Fiaby nuzzled the top of her head. "Someday, you can return here and prove it, my friend. I'll even accompany you."

"Promise?"

"I promise." She took a long look at the sky. "North is this way." She curved around where the Flashes gathered, dashing like lightning through their own fields.

Hearty looked north and took off again. Fixy groaned.

"What is it, dear?"

"You know the two of you are faster than I am. All this sustained running isn't my style."

"I understand," said Fiaby. "I don't think of it as sustained running. You haven't seen it, but what I do is a series of short sprints followed by a short rest. You can join me."

Sprints? Fixy wasn't so sure about this, but Fiaby beckoned, and dashed away, leaving her little choice. Atop the next hill, Fiaby paused again, and Fixy reached her. "Now we stop for a moment." Fixy let herself rest for a few precious minutes. "And now, another sprint!" Fiaby hurried off. Fixy followed. Hearty was far ahead, but they could hear her, and they knew her little legs wouldn't take her outside of where they could reach. With sprints, Fixy found she could cover ground almost as quickly as her friends as long as she had time to rest in between.

They moved past abandoned meadows, some with cannonballs left to rust in the sunlight, others with empty gift boxes open wide to the sky. They came to a split in their path, both roads winding away and around.

"Which way?" Fixy asked. There was no direct route; the way forward was blocked by thick brambles.

"I can only see to the first turn," Fiaby said, but before she even got the last word out, Hearty had dashed along the road to the left. Moments later, she rushed back and took the path to the right. Fixy and Fiaby exchanged glances. "Our speedy friend might have gotten us into this odd quest, but her gift is exceedingly useful at times."

Hearty returned, not even out of breath. "I checked out the paths. Both of them go through pumpkin patches."

"That's all?" Fixy asked.

Hearty nodded. "Well, there are also ghosts and goblins and vampires on both sides. On one side, a lot of animals were kissing and only some were kissing on the other side. Both led north."

Fiaby said, "The kissing side sounds interesting."

Fixy said, "There's kissing on both sides. Which path is shorter?"

"They're both exactly the same length," said Hearty. She looked between them. "Which way are we going?"

"Race you," said Fiaby, and dashed to the left.

"I don't race!" said Fixy, but Hearty had already dashed to the right. She sighed and followed Fiaby.

They'd chosen the side with some kissing. Animals wandered around the pumpkin patch, in pairs and alone, picking up small items by the pumpkins. Fiaby ran ahead of her, but Fixy slowed down. "What are these?" she ashed a passing penguin.

"Treats! Try one!"

Fixy turned to look at Fiaby's departing backside, then grabbed one to go. "Thank you!" The penguin waved as she ran off. The treat in her mouth melted slowly, in a perfect blend of honey and oats with a solid dark chocolate core in the center. Fixy almost stopped and went back for more, but she had a feeling it would be like the box of chocolates. She had eaten one treat, and she would not get a second.

She caught up with Fiaby and Hearty at the top of the next hill, where they argued goodnaturedly about who had won. She rested for a moment, tuning them out. The field past this hill had more horses, she could see already, though only mares. No stallions at all. She thought they should take a nice long rest there. Perhaps the mares would share their grass with the poor wanderers.

"This field seems nice," she said, but Hearty and Fiaby were already looking past.

"We're getting close to the Far North," said Fiaby. "I can smell the snow in the air. It's not much further."

Fixy thought that was more reason to rest and eat here first. She didn't like snow, or cold, and the afternoon was getting late. She looked to Hearty for help. Hearty was short enough to get lost in a snowdrift, and even her bright coloring might not be enough to find her again in the dark. "Should we get some sustenance first? Maybe some saddle blankets?"

"WE SHOULD GO!" Hearty raced off again. Fixy paused, looking down at the field of mares. Technically, they were near their destination, and if she happened to dawdle here for a short while before joining the other two, would it really matter? She knew where they were headed.

Fiaby neighed and ran. Fixy sighed and followed.

The scent of snow might be in the air, but the journey there took longer than Fixy had thought. Green fields gave way to golden. Trees hung with brown, dead leaves, then with nothing but bare branches scratching at the sky. The cold settled in with slow fingers digging under their coats into their bones. And still they hurried.

At last, they crested the final hill, covered with cold, yellow grass laid horizontal from the sharp winds gusting up here. Below was a valley, snow-covered yet inviting. Lights hung in every tree, and these were green despite the cold, covered fragrant needles rather than leaves. Animals sung happy songs, going about their tasks. Fixy saw horses everywhere, and dogs, and cheetahs, and quite a few bears.

"Welcome," said a hippo. "Good tidings of Yule to you!"

"And to you as well," said Fiaby. "We have traveled a long way. The Mods sent us here."

"The Mods?" The hippo looked worried. "Did they say anything to you? Are they delaying reveals?"

"THEY SAID YOU HAD A COFFEE TREE I COULD HAVE!"

Fixy said, "That wasn't exactly what they said."

"We do have coffee, and hot chocolate, and plenty of warm treats for everyone."

That got Fixy's attention. "Did you say 'chocolate'?"

"I did." She whispered, as if imparting a great secret, "Sometimes we even put whipped cream and sprinkles on top."

Fiaby said, "We'd love some. With extra sprinkles, please."

"Of course, of course. But first, what are your offers?"

Offers? Right, the Mods had said they must offer something. Hearty said, "We're going to hit some pinches!"

The hippo smiled in delight. "You're pinch hitters? How wonderful! This way, please. We have some especially obscure pinch hits we've been hoping someone would take."

She led the way through the valley and into a giant, red barn with high, vaulted ceilings. Animals milled about inside, warm and happy, trading stories and treats. Fixy already loved it here. "What is this place?"

"Some people call it the First though we weren't really the first. We traveled north to the land of small onions, planted our coffee trees, and founded our way of life. We've lived here ever since. Others followed in our steps, setting up fields of their own. Some are happiest with their own ways. We are happy with ours."

She led them through the long barn towards a door at the far end. Fiaby said, "We came here in search of a coffee tree. The Mods suggested if we offered to go to bat for a pinch hit, you would allow us to take one home with us. We could," she said with a tight voice, "even forgo our hot chocolate and sprinkles for this."

"Tell you what," said the hippo. "If you take on our most difficult pinch hit, you can have the coffee tree and the treats."

Hearty said, "We'll do it! What is a pinch hit anyway?"

"As you said, we need one of you to go to bat for us." She nudged open a door.

Bats hung from the rafters of the inner room: big bats, tiny bats, dark or pale, hairy and plain. Hearty's eyes went huge as she shivered. Some of them looked big enough to carry her off. Even Fiaby quailed at the sight of them. "My specialty is small forest folk. I don't suppose you need someone to go at bunny for you?"

"Bats, I'm afraid." She nodded at the biggest, grayest, hairiest bat of them all, hanging from the middle rafter. "His name is Dewclaws, and we need you to get him out of here. Pinch him, hit him, whatever it takes, but get him gone and the others will follow. But we need them out of here soon. You don't have much time."

"I'll do it," said Fixy. She looked at her friends. "I'm not as fast as you," she said to Hearty, "and I'm not as creative as you," she said to Fiaby. "But I'm good at what I do."

"We know that," said Fiaby. "You don't have to prove anything to us. We like you because of who you are."

"Yeah," said Hearty, still staring at the bats. "I don't care how fast you are, old pal of mine. Flash is fast, and look how much trouble he's caused us. You're cool."

Fixy bowed her head, a little taken aback. She'd often felt that the other two let her tag along with them out of compassion rather than interest, but their words seemed genuine.

Hearty said, "I'd love a coffee tree of my own, but it's not worth it."

"You are my friend, and it is," Fixy said. She walked into the room.

With a slow and steady step, she made her way over, moving under hundreds of sleeping bats. A few dozed more lightly, chittering to themselves as she passed. Most of them were fruit bats, she realized. From outside the room, they'd seemed terrifying. In here, they looked like field mice, except with rather clever wings attached. Fixy remembered when she'd been a small filly who'd dreamed of waking up one morning no longer as a simple horse but a beautiful pegasus with mighty wings springing from her broad back. These mice had realized that dream, and she wasn't scared of them now, not at all.

On the barn floor, she noticed some old, fallen pieces of wood. She grasped a sturdy-looking one with her teeth and brought it up to the ceiling. Then, with great care, she slid the end of it next to Dewclaws' tiny feet. "Step on, my friend," she said around the stick, her words muffled. She heard more of the bats stir, but she would not be put out. "Go on. It's a new perch. Anyway, night is coming soon. You'll want to spread your wings."

The huge bat did in fact spread his wings and for a moment, her heart jumped. He climbed over with his feet to cling to the end of her stick. Fixy lowered the stick, making sure she didn't drop him. With the same gentle care, she walked through the room and led him to the window that opened to the snowy fields outside.

"Go on," she said.

Dewclaws woke up. One upside-down eye looked at her, then out at the deepening night. He spread his wings again, flapped them with a breeze that ruffled her mane, then flew off. The other bats made their creaking noises to each other, and dropped from their perches, flying past her into the darkness with a great swarm of flapping, furry bodies.

Fixy had gone to bat, and she'd succeeded. She set her stick down and returned to the hippo and her two friends.

"THAT WAS AWESOME!"

"Slow and steady," said Fiaby, admiration in her voice. "As you always are."

Fixy said, "Was that enough of a pinch hit?"

"It was splendid, thank you," said the hippo. "Please accept our gratitude. You said you liked hot chocolate?"

"With sprinkles, please," Fixy said. "But we're really here for the coffee tree. Can you spare one?"

"Our work often involves a great deal of caffeine-fueled creativity. We'd be happy to share that with you for your own fields."

"THANK YOU SO MUCH!" Hearty screamed, and to everyone's surprise, she hugged Fixy rather than the hippo. "AND THANK YOU TOO!" she shouted to the hippo.

"You're welcome," Fixy said. "Can we spend a little time here resting before we go home?"

"You must!" said the hippo. "You've opened up our room for the party, and you are of course invited. I'll see to those hot chocolates."

"AND COFFEE?"

"And coffee too," said the hippo with a smile.

They stayed for a long time. The hot chocolate was divine. Fiaby got extra sprinkles on hers. Hearty drank five cups of coffee, and between the two of them, they invented half a dozen treats for the others at the party before the gifts were revealed. Fixy didn't even try. She'd done her job, and she was well pleased with the result. The party room opened up with lights and music. Overflowing bowls of oats and barley sat on low tables, perfect for snacking on, and everyone had a story to tell. She wandered from conversation to conversation, greeted as a friend by everyone, even the bears. And when reveals came, oh what a lovely time it was! Everyone laughed and chatted in a festive spirit, and when the hour grew late, the three friends rested together in a warm corner, with Hearty's new tree next to them tucked into in a neat pot for ease in travel.

"It's going to be a long trip home," Fixy said with a yawn.

"I already have directions," said Fiaby. "And I drew us a map."

"Of course you did," said Hearty. She looked up at them. "Thanks a million, guys. I could never have come this far, or gotten this tree, or done any of this without you."

"You're our friend," said Fixy. "We go where you go, even when we don't want to."

Fiaby snorted and nuzzled Fixy's side. "Think of all the sights we would have missed had we stayed home. We met so many interesting creatures. We traveled on a boat."

"We met the Mods!" said Hearty. "They seemed nice."

"I know," Fixy said. "I'm glad I came along. But I do want to get home, and sleep in my own stall, and graze in our fields."

"In the morning," Fiaby promised, and drifted off to sleep.

They were all awakened by horns and shouts and noise. Fixy panicked, thinking they were under attack again. But all the animals were saying, "Happy new year!" and were wishing one another a wonderful future. The sun was rising, weak though it was here in the Far North. It was time to go.

As they readied the coffee tree, Fixy saw a familiar face among the animals milling around. She couldn't even speak, but dropped the tree and sprinted over to the red stallion who was chatting with a small cat.

"You!"

"Me?" he said, turning towards her. "Sorry, do we know each other?"

"You stole Heart Attack's coffee beans! You started this whole mess! You're Flash!"

He blinked at her, moving his head from side to side to look at Fixy's furious expression. "Hi. Yeah, I'm Flash. Nice to meet you. Coffee beans?"

"You came to our farm and stole Hearty's beans."

"I did not." He glanced down at the cat. "Sorry. Talk at you later? Text me!" The cat waved her tail and wandered off. "Wait, do you live down at that farm near the crossroads? That really sweet deal with all the fields next to Frank's place?"

"Yes! Frank was the one who told us about you!"

Flash whickered in annoyance. "That old goat. I've known him for years. I thought it was weird that he invited me over for coffee. When I visited him, he'd just finished eating a whole crate of beans. I had a little of what was left, because I do love some good coffee."

By this time, Fiaby and Hearty had joined them. Hearty had death in her eyes. "FLASH! YOU JERK!"

"Wait," said Fixy. "He says Frank took your beans."

"Frank?" said Fiaby. "But Frank's our...." She stopped. "He did it. And he blamed you."

"Well, I did drink some that he offered me. Sorry about that. Had no idea it was yours. Did you come all this way north looking for me?"

Hearty said, "WE CAME A LOT LONGER THAN THIS!" She was still mad. Fixy and Fiaby shared a look. 

"Come, Hearty. Let's go find some of that delightful coffee and hot chocolate for our breakfast."

Fixy said, "Forgive us. We thought you ruined our lives. Even the Mods said you probably did it."

"Yeah, the Mods and I don't always see eye to eye." He bowed his head in appeasement. "Is there anything I can do to make things up to you guys?"

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"No, but I still feel bad." He looked at the coffee tree. "Hey, do you need help carrying that home?"

By the time Hearty had four cups of coffee inside her, and Flash had four of his own, she had calmed down and he was more than happy to join them on their trip back to the farm, insisting on carrying the tree himself. Fixy excused herself as the others were saying their farewells to the animals here in the land of the small onions, and went to the empty party room, which was already filling again with the nocturnal guests.

Fixy bent up and nudged Dewclaws on his head. "Hi," she said. "Sorry to wake you, but I wanted to drop by before we left."

When she'd finished speaking with him, she rejoined her friends, and together they made their way back south towards home.

As they walked, the grass grew greener under their feet and the sky hung with crystalline clearness overhead without a single cloud. They passed small fields, some looking out of time, others looking lush and lovely and new. Fixy watched the world with new eyes after all her travels, and picked out the brilliant yellows of the buttercups, the deep purple of the violets, the soft blues of the coneflowers, the pleasing aqua of Fiaby's coat, and the vibrant orange of Hearty's. Even Flash's red coat added to the wonder, making a full rainbow in her eyes against the soft green grass. Flash told them quick tales of the various places he'd visited, some of them even stranger than the places they'd seen along this journey. The return home took them many hours, but the time felt short to her, as though her steps had been lightened. Before she knew it, they were standing at the small hill that overlooked the north field of their very own farm.

Hearty and Flash hurried on towards the south field. Hearty had decided she wanted to plant her new tree in the direction of where the Mods were, as a thank you. Fixy thought planting it towards the north where the people who'd given the tree to them lived would be more appropriate, but what did she know about coffee trees? Fiaby motioned her head towards the east field. Fixy followed her stare and saw what she meant. Frank stood in his own field next door, still grazing under his favorite tree.

"Hello, Frank," said Fiaby.

Frank didn't notice her at first.

Fixy said, "HI FRANK!" in her loudest voice. She didn't like shouting, but Hearty's shouts always did get attention. Frank blinked and turned to them with a start.

"Oh, it's you. Back again, eh?"

Fiaby said, "You told us Flash stole Heart Attack's coffee."

"Did I? Seems I told you I saw him running across your field. You filled in the rest." He winked one sly eye at her.

Fixy said, "You wanted us to think it. We've traveled for hundreds of miles searching for coffee, and you had it all along."

"I didn't have it. That coffee was long gone by the time you asked." He gave a goaty shrug. "I see you brought back a tree. All's well that ends well."

Fiaby stalked over to him angrily. "If you ever do something like that again, you'll regret it."

"No," said Fixy. "You'll regret it sooner than that." The sun had just set over the west field. Twilight animals croaked and scritched in the tall grass. Cool evening air rushed through the leaves of the old apple tree. And on the night wind came the hushed sound of hundreds of leathery wings, and the chitter of happy fruit bats who'd been told about a lovely new home where they could feast and hang all day.

"Say hello to our new neighbors," Fixy said, and she greeted the bats with a happy whinny. A dozen voices chattered back at her in a high pitch.

Frank watched the bats with a worried, suspicious eye. "Get away!"

"They won't hurt you," Fixy said. "But they will keep an eye on you for us."

Fiaby stared at her as they headed back towards the stable. "When you went to bat for us, you really meant it."

"I did." She walked a little closer to Fiaby. "Do you suppose Flash and Hearty have that tree planted yet?"

"They were in a hurry to do so. I'd imagine they finished a few minutes after they started." Fiaby let out a soft breath. "I'm very glad you went with us on the journey. Never, ever think for one moment that I could tire of your company."

"I'm glad I went." There was a noise from the stable, like the crash of Hearty's coffee mug collection, which she was almost certainly showing off to Flash. "We'd better get back there," she said. Then, with a teasing grin, she added, "Race you!"

She took off, and they dashed together over the field as the evening shadows drew over the welcome grass of their home.


End file.
